Ahh a happy Valentines Day to wonderful YOU.
I wanted to share some of the tips from a little blog based on one I wrote about relationships a few months ago which received a lot of feedback, emails and thoughts, I hope you like it and choose one of the tips and one of the books to read at the end to help you feel good today.
Valentines Day for me, now, is about Love. Loving the person you are, or, if you are not there yet, learning to like (or perhaps even self sabotage less) the beautiful person you are. It’s about giving yourself a little time to feel a tiny bit better, happier, healthier, stronger and wiser. And it’s then about giving those around you, those that you love, some love. And yes, I feel vulnerable doing this, both ways. It’s kind of doesn’t fit with my childhood values of just getting on with things.
Which I still do… yet I’m learning the value of hugs, loving yourself and being kind when you need to be. Yet learning is the primary word here….. so I hope my little musings help you grow your love today. And if you feel like sharing, please do, as I love to hear about other’s loves…… people, places, books, music, animals…. so many different relationships and love 🙂 Let’s get sharing!!
Learn to Love & Respect You – completely. This is a journey through life, things happen to us all. Something tiny can cause huge pain, and something huge can pass easily. Sometimes things don’t make sense, yet through it all, if you can love, care and respect yourself, you will be okay. And I mean, completely. So shifting your internal language, caring for you, becoming your own best friend really is the best thing you can do to enjoy the ride of life. I love Louise Hay’s Book Mirror Work, a simple little book with a lot of insights to help you shift which I have been sharing with my Team Possible Mentoring Group.
2. Project what you really want – I think all too often we project our internal fears on ourselves, self sabotage or project our fears onto those closest too us, in maybe one area in life, or many areas. Fears are like little illusions, they distract us from what we really want, perhaps keeping us safe, but also creating a boundary and limit to our happiness. Sometimes projecting, acknowledging and moving towards what we really want (even if we don’t really know), is much more scary than staying with our fears. So think about what you discuss, say to yourself and how you create your habits and if you could remove a safety net.
3. As much as you Give, you have to Receive – if you are giving out so much, you have nothing left to receive. Receiving grows and nurtures you, giving grows and nurtures those around you. Both ways in balance help the giver and the receiver, one way makes the flow really difficult. So if someone says you look great, that was really interesting, can I help you, pause and take the time to take that compliment, take it on board and allow yourself to receive. And if someone inspires you, tell them. Don’t fear what anyone may think, the person who inspires you is only human, and telling them will grow you both. Try a bit more of the one you do least and see what happens. Over the last few months, I’ve had many hospital appointments healing my neurology and realised the importance of this flow.
4. Be individually You – if you are single or in a couple, you are still You (I know you may get lost but find you again). Be true to your identity. Okay, so flexibility with other’s is key, yet don’t lose the things that light the spark inside you, because you feel guilty about what others think, or because you don’t think you can do it now. I coach many people who are single or in a couple, and they often wish the opposite and have a set of ‘rules’ for either identity. I really think, work on you, work on what makes you, beautifully you. What you value in life, what excites you. Then weave that into your life and your relationship (which could be with someone, but is also with family, work, friends and more), rather than out. What can you do to positively nurture you right now?
5. Make Good Time for Each Other – so life is busy, and life with another can become a routine. Shake it up every couple of weeks, make it work for you. There are so many ways to engage with others in the World, so many devices and contact streams, that we often forget the benefit of real, face time conversation and experiences together. Life for everyone is a rollercoaster, the giving and receiving isn’t always balanced, but make time to have a good time with the relationships that matter most to you, the ones right in front of you. See what happens by switching the external off, and switching the present on.
Who could you make time for this week, a friend, family member, colleague, animal… .or/and perhaps yourself, to feel good?
6. Be in the Moment – it’s super easy to think about what has happened in the past, or what could happen, and forget the moment. Often the biggest insights and wisdom, the greatest enjoyment and lesson’s come in the moment, yet we are often stuck in the past or thinking about the future. Yes, it’s key to reflect and learn from the past, and exciting to plan and create plans for the future to move towards your goals and dreams, however, don’t forget to be present and in the very moment. Breathe deeply, in what you want to feel, and out what you don’t. Allow yourself to get present with Mindfulness, yummy meals, meditation and movement to really learn to understand your own mind and body.
What truly works for you, what brings that spark to life in you? I went to a client’s wedding in the summer and the Minister said, ‘hold fast to all that is good in each moment…’ I liked the line and focus.
7. Communication is key – really links with number 2 and projecting what you want & number 5, creating time with the relationships that are key for you in your life. Communication is so important, being brave, vulnerable, honest and true to what we believe, to what matters most to us, to what isn’t okay. So often we avoid conflict or protect ourselves to keep things safe, to keep things okay. But okay rarely lasts a long time, okay is okay. Communicating, reading, writing, journaling, expressing our thoughts to ourselves and others, allows growth, change, challenges and ultimately commitment to the communication. I suggest to all my clients they journal and write, it’s a way of clarifying things, at the end of each week, however good or challenging, write down 3 things that went well and/or that made you happy and proud. Then two things you learned, that you would like to do differently, and how you will start to do this.
8. Bring Compassion, Understanding & Joy into each Day – I write this because life is amazing, and life is tough. There are highs and lows. Yet find a little joy and laughter, a little smile or a big belly laugh in each day. Find compassion for yourself and for others. I don’t write this saying I accept what he did as being okay (because it so is not), but I write it saying that I forgive him as I see the good within him, yet I don’t accept that behavior. Forgiving and understanding allows room for growth and learning within yourself. It moves you away from the problem, and towards contentment (over resentment) in yourself I believe. So find a give a little compassion to someone in your life today, give a little understanding and patience to yourself and share a little (or a lot of) Joy.
A few links you may love….
My Simple Little 52 Tips to Feel Good Book – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hound-Happiness-Tips-Feel-Good/dp/0995627223/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1487020577&sr=1-1&keywords=hound+of+happiness
Tiny Buddha Love Book – http://tinybuddha.com/love-book/
Dr David Hamilton’s Range of Books – http://drdavidhamilton.com/my-books/
Louise Hay – Mirror work – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mirror-Work-Days-Heal-Your/dp/1401949827
Camilla Dallerup – Reinvent Me – Pre Order – https://www.amazon.com/Reinvent-Me-Camilla-Sacre-Dallerup/dp/1786780607/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1487021016&sr=1-3&keywords=camilla+dallerup
My TEDx Talk – Be Brave – https://youtu.be/E2p86KJU8hw
I would love to hear from you, do tweet, tag and share the things you love 🙂
And if you would like a Body Confidence & Self Worth Coaching Month with me, pop me an email and we can have a chat to see if it’s right for you firstname.lastname@example.org
Big Happy Valentines Love to You, thank YOU for reading & sharing, Kim xx