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Earlier in the Summer, Elle Magazine ran a competition called the letter you wish you had written.  I love to write, and in the end wrote three and half.

I wrote one to Jane, my very first riding instructor.  She is the most amazing lady.  Crushed by the ramp of a horse box, paralyzed from the waist down. Yet what she taught me, as a horse rider and as a person, has stayed with me for life.  A truly remarkable, talented, inspiring lady. Thank you Jane.

I then wrote a letter to all my clients from Energised Performance (www.energisedperformance.com), just telling them that I really know it can be tough, it can be challenging, but I see their potential, I believe in them, anything is possible for anyone, you just have to wake up and commit to learning to change your thinking, belief and habits. Tough, but oh so rewarding. Please allow yourself to shine bright, to grab life, to be wonderful you.

Then, I half wrote a letter to my younger self. I half wrote a blog during Mental health week. There are strands of both which I feel excited by, and strands that don’t quite sync together. So it needs a little more work before you can read this blog. This little quote is a nice little sneak preview around my thoughts on a Beautiful Life….

So, the one I ended up entering (that felt right at the time) is the letter to roland (from weils disease), and the learnings I had gained at that point.  I reread the letter this week, and I know I could write an even wiser letter now (one that flows better).

Yet I wanted to share the letter with you, just as it is. As maybe, just maybe, whilst I did not place in the competition, it will reasonate with someone and give you a little hope, a little kick, a little courage…. and little spark of something…. something to believe that you will be okay, you are good enough and you CAN do whatever you think you cannot….. (really, you can) and if so, then I have won by writing.

So here are my writings and entry to the Elle competition….

The Letter I Wish I had Written….. Penned June 2014

To Roland.

 You have tested me beyond what I thought was possible. I can’t really write you a letter as you are not really real. You are my metaphorical neurological ‘friend’ for when I have my funny ‘moments’ from virus that changed my life.

 Yet I thought by writing you a letter, my words may just resonate with someone, and give them hope that things will be okay.

 Roland, here are the learnings you have given me from my Summer of Sitting…

 By forcing me to do completely nothing, you tested my identity more than you can ever imagine. Everything I thought that made me, ‘me’ had been taken away.  Yet I found a deeper me, a ‘me’ that was all I was before, yet wiser, stronger and quite possibly a little more adventurous.

 The life I thought I would live, with the person I was with, all completely changed.  Yet over a year on, I realise love requires attention daily, in fact anything you really want to make happen, feel or do requires attention daily. 

 I have learned to truly be in the moment, and enjoy the moment I am in, wow is this a blessing. It takes practice, but it’s a wonderful gift to learn.  I often have no option, and Roland this is something that has made me stronger, so thank you.

 I’ve learned to really, look after myself and become my own best friend.  I’m still learning this one, and thought I had it sorted, but life’s a journey.  And I figure it’s better to ride that journey being a friend to yourself, rather than an enemy.  Much wiser, try it.

 I’ve learned that sleep is even more important than I ever thought; fresh food, water, fresh air, movement, the simple things really make the difference.  Do this with a relaxation not control, and know that a little of the naughty things you love to eat or do, rarely when occasional, will never make a big negative difference,

 I have learned to how to show my love, humour and compassion to others. To understand whatever life brings, there will be highs and lows, and if you lose yourself on the way, this is okay. Just be wise, stop.  Make time to find yourself, before you get totally lost.

 I don’t know if what I have learnt is captured in this letter Roland, but I really hope it is,

 Life is short, everything can change in a moment.  Don’t waste your beautiful self by comparing and sabotaging yourself.

 Look for excellence, feel passion, hear what excites you and fill your soul with the courage to take action.  Don’t be afraid to fail or to succeed, don’t be afraid to say yes, or to say no.  Just be courageous to live your authentic life.  You have a depth of courage you will never realise, until you start to use it.

 On a ‘good’ day I ‘get’ my learnings, on a day you are with me I have moments of frustration and despair. Yet I’m learning to just accept the moment, they pass as quickly as they arrive. Don’t get stuck on what you can’t control.

 I fill my world with compassion and gratitude to those around me, I fill my thoughts with dreams, aspirations, adventures and plans, whilst I just sit.

 I have tears as I write this, I don’t really know why.  I think it’s the gratitude of learning Roland.  And the depth you have challenged me. 

 I hope someone reading this will find great hope in the madness of their challenge. 

 Indiana’s track, Solo Dancing has become my song for this journey.  Music is good for the soul. You don’t like gigs Roland (in fact you don’t like a lot of what I love, yet I still give things a go).  Not at the front anymore, right at the back.  And if I last the whole gig, it’s a high five with my wonderful partner.

 Roland, you have traveled to many places this year with me, your passport expires soon, yet I have the stamps of learning from the journey.

 Big Love, Kim x

So there we have it…. the Beginnings…. Chapter 1….. 😉

Since then I have undergone the most aggressive treatment to aim to draw the virus out, make it live and kill it. It nearly killed me off instead.

So I’ve spent a few weeks regaining my strength and I now feel pretty good. I just have a condition to manage ( I no longer refer to roland, he has moved on), presenting similar to epilepsy,combining with a little liver enzyme imbalance.

Hey, there could be a million things which are more challenging.  I feel grateful for so many good things, people and moments in my life, as I say, bring on 2015…. join me and let’s have the courage to be the very best version of ourselves, with courage, commitment and consistency to follow what we want to do, be and feel, and let go of what we don’t…..

I would LOVE to know what you think, so do tweet me @kimingleby or pop a message to kim@energisedperformance.com. A BIG Thank you to the Judges for putting this competition together, it encouraged me to write something really personal, and gave me a focus in a challenging time. Thank you Lorraine Candy, Faber and Faber Publishing, Hannah Griffiths, Emma Forrest, Nina Stibbe and Alice Wignall!!

And most importantly: The BIGGEST Congratulations to the super talented 19 year old Flora Carr who won (you can read her inspiring letter in this month’s Elle on page 129), and the 4 runner’s up Emma Stevens, Sonny Marr, Liz Gwinnell and Tamar Hodes. All round goodness and I can only imagine what ideas will be created in your Smythson Soho Notebooks, exciting, I shall be following your careers.

If you never write… try it, it is a creative process which anyone can do. I teach all my athletes, celebrities, business people and clients how to write, mind map and explore their thoughts, create their dreams and take action….

The best two books in line with this I have just read are Don’t Die with the Music Inside you, by Serena & Wayne Dyer, and Tyle Knotts, Chasers of the Light.

Keep a look out for my Mag Book with Womens Fitness, out on 17th Dec #FitInsideOut and our Make Your Life Brilliant Coaching Course starting in the New Year.

And I would love you to support our Festive Charity Raffle for Make a Wish Foundation & St Peter’s Hospice: http://www.energisedperformance.com/blog/energised-performance/mondaymotivation-energised-charity-advent-raffle-2014/