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Um… so, I kind of feel like this is a confession blog!  As I did a triathlon today….

If you take a moment to read this, I would like you to keep in your own mind…. you can do hard things (at the right time).  Remember this.

Why did I…?

For those of you who don’t know, I contracted Weils disease into secondary encephalitis in June 2013 from a triathlon.   It’s been a pretty life changing, enhancing, challenging, crazy roller coaster, but then life is kind of like that for all of us.

I entered the triathlon a few month’s ago, because as I coach you… enter a goal, one that excites you, that scares you, that you would like to do (do that at the end of this blog, it doesn’t need to be fitness, it could be anything).

Since 2013 I’ve been on my bike about 4 times, in the swimming pool about 6, and run around when I feel good.  I have not found my wetsuit since then….

So why…..

I spent about 2 hours working this out, using my NLP & Mental Strength techniques that I use with my clients.  My motivations, my secondary outcome, my why did I want to do it?

I had not trained specifically for this at all, I’ve had the biggest ‘healing’ (or encephalitis attacks – lasting up to 48hrs) in the last two months and I have not swum open water since 2013.

So, perhaps a little crazy, yet I felt drawn to do one.  Sometimes a goal or choice won’t make sense, but it will feel right, so you just have to go for it… I did know that strength & gym wise I had done enough training to do a Sprint distance.

A side note… I’ve learned specific weight training patterns help my neurology to improve, combined with a lot of balance & co – ordination work.  Short sessions, adapting to how I feel… do you know what really helps you to improve and feel good?  Take a moment to reflect on what you are doing, thinking and eating and ask yourself, is it taking me towards what I want to achieve?

Back to the goal…. So I chose entered a sea swim, becauseI have little desire yet to swim where I may come across a rat (weils disease trigger) who is not feeling well, and it would be a little stupid to put myself at this risk 🙂  And swimming in a pool triathlon is a No, because the busy environment and noise in the pool would aggravate the neurology.

Yet…. pre 2013 I avoided sea swim’s as they were a bit rough (or could be), and I was partially drowned under a horse three day eventing and spent a few weeks in the kidney ward in hospital… this had somewhat slipped my mind when entering Worthing!

On arrival, after a couple of stops as busy roads, windscreen wipers & rain over stimulate my neurology, John & I arrive.. It’s a little wild and windy!  John’s amused by my surprise at the wild sea….. ha, ha!! No rats though…. but in my mind I am thinking, oh sh*t, I had a calm bay in my mind….. (I know, I know, we are in the UK)!!

So mental preparation fully done, models of excellence, anchoring of emotions to feel, strategies to cope & pace, signs for neurology fatigue… the best fish, mushy peas and a few energised powered chips and off to bed!

Yet bed was interrupted by local fireworks to celebrate something…

My neurology is stimulated quite ‘well’ by these which prevails any relaxing sleep until a little later than planned, fortunately they didn’t last too long …  🙂

4.45am…the alarm cheeps, although I think the local seagulls were a pretty good alarm!

First thought… back to sleep Kim, this is not wise or clever, John snoring beside me.

Oh so easy to convince yourself that you don’t want / need/ should do this…. you know how easy your rational fears can prevent you doing hard things?  (Do something hard which will add value to your life this week).

Equally I should emphasis if you are always pushing and never looking after yourself, nuturing you…. then you need to do the hard thing of stopping and looking after yourself, I have learned the benefits of this.

Anyway, I thought, come on… get up, go to the bathroom and just ask yourself…. should I do this… first response, go with…. it was, ‘be brave, don’t fear…’ Um, hello brain, this is not the response expected!!

So breakfast in & Tibetan mobility moves done…. (smaller version of this… everyone has their own unique tastes… mine has Green Powder HION, Phil Richards Collagen, Coconut and a few oats…)

I had written down a huge list of limits (usually I allow 3 for clients to reframe with a strategy)… I had fear, terror, panic… followed by guilt for those around me…. I had fear of regressing my neurology, panic just generally… terror over the expectation/perception having done or not done it… … It’s funny what our brains do.

Yet I wrote these down, reframed (took a while) with fearless, brave, bold, calm, relaxed, strong (for different phases) and a structure, simple plan for each phase… combined with being authentic, open and trusting…

Off we went to the start…. once I realised I could still fit in my wetsuit (phew!!), my muscles are bigger (so one of my tri tops doesn’t fit my shoulders!!) but my shorts were loser… same weight, different body comp (if this interests you, I can tell you more about the how and why)

(Nervous leap of hope before heading the swim start…. )

I’ll keep it brief (kind of) but share with you, that as a Coach, an ‘ex’ age group triathlete and now a learner of triathlon… you can do hard things.  YOU can.

I got, exceptionally slowly into the ‘fresh’ wild sea…. I’ve never swum in the sea in a race …. and bobbed about for a bit.  Rescue kayak lady kindly asks, are you going to do it then?  Me, ‘yes, just getting my head together’. Lady, ‘it’s really rough today…’ Me, ‘ahh, I need to get moving and think it’s perfect or she is going to extract me…?!!’

So I start, front crawl, and it feels good for about 5 strokes.  Then my neurology and balance with the surges from waves cannot cope. So I think, it’s going to be breast stroke… but I’m actually not going anywhere.

So I bob, like a meerkat in the sea.. And set of again.  Then the next group catch me, but it looks like I’m in their section, as I have a special coloured cap incase I have one of my encephalitis moments!

Somehow I bob myself around the course, I’m actually totally amazed I made it as the current was taking me anywhere but the right direction in an amusing sea Cha Cha dance.

I finally wobble out of the water, up to my bike.  Passing a client, Adrian Wilkins waiting for the Olympic Distance, a powered hug, I pop onto my bike… now, right side balance, cornering & overall awareness on the bike takes huge concentration with my neurology now. This was my only concentration.  Nothing to do with racing, just this. Slow, consistent flow.  Fortunately I was in the first group of the days’ racing, so the roads were quiet, as busy cars/traffic/bikes is a no for my balance.

It was good to be on my bike (wearing my British Heart Foundation top for Dad & to open my heart to trust:-) , thanks to the Triathlon Shop who had done a great bike fit 2 years ago… I found it was good!! Highly recommend a visit, but don’t wait 2 years to test out…!:-)

A steady 24km, no watch or speed data , just my awareness and never to go above 7/10 effort, neurology healing was key.  I started the 5km run, steady, relaxed, enjoyment, listen to my body, walk if required.

I have a lot less to say about the bike and run, as I think I had just zoned in to looking after myself, and taking each minute at a time.

How often are you that present?  Not thinking about what if this or that, just fully present on doing the best you can do, and the best for you in the moment…? Just a thought for your training this week…. and life.

I finished.  Big thank you to Worthing Tri Team…

And kind of kept jogging to the sea… on my own.  A complete mixture of emotions.

My why……?

Purely to do one, because in some weird way there was a fear and control from the weils/encephalitis triathlon 2 years ago, that I had not accepted or processed.

I thought I could ‘run’ it out by doing the Sierra Leone Marathon (there’s a long blog about that if you fancy in May 2014) but realised I cannot.  So this is not about running it out, proving anything or making myself do it.  It was a choice of kind of accepting it’s been a bloody tough couple of years, yet I have learned so much, in so many ways that I am so grateful & happy for.

My why was to have the courage to accept what has happened to me, and to realise that I can still do hard things.  To let go of this huge fear inside me, of what is right or ‘wrong’ with my healing, to know I will be okay, even if I’m not okay in the moment.

It was to trust my body, to have the courage & to smile and enjoy the moment (even when bobbing in the sea, seemingly going no where – the irony in the metaphor is not lost!), to build my strength, like a handstand, to show my love & gratitude to John ( and some amazing friends & family all over the world) beside me, to hopefully be a coach who practises what she teaches, learns, adapts and grows…

(Emotional & Fearless by the Sea at the End)

(John & I, Sat at registration (better weather on Saturday!), I’m good at Selfies 🙂

My rambled why…. do you know your real why behind what you do, and what you want to gain? Write it down, journal, adapt, learn, grow, be.

My total priority is to heal right now.  Did I enjoy it?  I don’t really know, I had to concentrate so hard.  Was it the ‘right’ thing to do?  Who know’s what is right…. yet, yes, I really believe it was due to the acceptance & fear I let go off…

Will I do another triathlon?  I don’t really know, but certainly not for now.

Neuroplasticity & healing growth continues 🙂

I’m off to stretch, roll, refuel and refine! I hope you do what you ‘need’ to do to feel good, and find a moment to embrace your fears, and celebrate you…  I wish you the most wonderful August.

If you would like any help, caoching or support, mind or body….. to complete a race, overcome a fear, develop your goals, adapt your training to your lifestyle, or just a kick to do a ‘hard thing’ let me know, I would LOVE to help YOU, just pop me an email or tweet @kimingleby #thisgirlcan #thisboycan too 🙂

The Encephalitis Society who have offered me great guidance are celebrating their 21st birthday through August, visit their website to find out more.

(Me with Griff Gilbert Giraffe, the Encephalitis Mascot… and my finishers t shirt, post emotions, probably unsure what’s just happened.. 🙂

My wonderful clients Tim & Debbie Pocock are doing a wonderful Triple Challenge, one left – you can support and help them #rememberben here: http://www.triblogs.com/blog/timP