It was Encephalitis Awareness Day last Sunday, and I promised I would write a little personal ramble….. I hope you like it,
To set the scene…. I wrote these when I arrived in Liverpool, before the Awakenings concert so well organised by Dr Ava Easton and her team.
Aliki Chrysochou, the International Ambassador, sang.She is such a kind, beautiful person with the voice like the stars at night, bright, crisp, evocative…. blending with a talented live pianist, his name escapes me, but they were a wonderful duo.
This was followed by research from Profressor Tom Solomon, a live Q & A from Journalist Simon Hattenstone with Aliki, Rebecca Adlington and Mathew Bose. All including Simon have been affected by Encephalitis in some way, so it was a fascinating, emotive and interesting time.
You can listen to Aliki here: http://youtu.be/JOt5c6v05P0, Angel, Sarah McLachlan… the lyrics are kind of appropriate and her site, stories and more performances, http://alikichrysochou.com/blog/video/young-and-beautiful-lana-del-rey-cover/
So the personal ramble begins… you may need a cup of tea, it’s quite long but I hope it’s worth the moments you take to read it, you can let me know 🙂
My thoughts are like a jigsaw. Pieces that don’t quite fit together.
You know when you are a child and you push the pieces together, willing them to fit, but they just don’t quite. You know that they don’t fit, but you are willing them to come together. As finding the patience to find the right pieces, to piece together is frustrating, and takes time. And you just want to go and do the next thing in your childlike mind….
That’s kind of my brain when it’s not ‘quite working’.
My thoughts flow easily and effortlessly. My mind and body is alive, full of energy and thoughts, ideas, hope, inspiration, passion, believe, life. Everything seems to make sense, and I have courage that I know I can teach people things about confidence, life, adversity, possibility. That anything is possible. Really it is.
That what people don’t understand about encephalitis is their fears, not mine. That what people question, and wonder, and avoid, is their fear, not mine. And I will fill their fears and mine, with compassion, patience, love, trust.
That’s kind of my brain, the one when it’s working.
I’ve spoken to many friends, clients, people. Often people say, ahh that’s what my brain feels like when I have had my children, someone died suddenly, I was diagnosed with cancer… numerous examples to know that you are not alone.
Yet, I know that everyone does feel alone at times in their life. You know, that feeling…. Like what am I going to do, I just don’t know.
Patience, Trust, Space.
Encephalitis, inflammation of the brain. It’s a crazy, weird thing.
It plays tricks with you, well it does with me. You think, I’m fine, yes, it’s not going to happen again, lets’ do x, y and z…. then, boom, like a song that you can’t get out of your head, it’s back, messing up the lyrics that make sense to you.
I think lots of people get confused in life, the things that make sense to us, that keep us safe, often limit us. So through my Coaching using NLP, Hypnotherapy and Confidence Coaching I give people the tools, courage and confidence to believe they can jump, make the change, do what is causing them fear in the moment….
Ironically, practice what you teach has never been so true or confusing. Some days, I think, amazing, I get this, I have learned more than you could possibly imagine about neurology, science, nutrition and fitness, which as a Coach has enhanced my skills to help people, to give them confidence, to flow forwards.
Yet, other days I feel, I’m a fraud. Two fold, one because the courage to do simple things is huge. My decision making process and memory maybe would score a C+ now (tries hard, yet easily distracted!), my concentration is like a flea (zipping all over the place trying to find a comfortable space) and my balance, well dubious to say the least, and my confidence has done a full circle to childhood self consciousness… but that’s only in moments.
And…. These are the little things that you wouldn’t notice, but I do.
But in life lots of little things, happen. Many things happen to many people, and what I have learned, is take each day, love and live each day. Find some goodness in each day. For you truly never know what will happen tomorrow.
Judge yourself as you judge others, with compassion, openness and understanding. Never has the saying, you don’t know someone’s story and ability to cope until you have walked a day in their lives, been true.
I am writing this to give you HOPE. Hope that whatever is happening right now, challenging, amazing or simply fricking (I do love will.i.am) incomprehensible, ride it out.
Show up. Every day, and do something that matters. Something that adds value to your life, and those around you.
The bigger things, that the legacy of the ‘rat’ (weils virus) have left are the shakes, the all encompassing fatigue that stops you in your tracks and then leaves as quickly as it has arrived, for no rational reason, the difficulty swallowing, the liver and lung function…
Yet again, things that you may suffer from drinking too much, eating too much sugar, being stressed, overworked, not spending time just being…. And numerous other things.
Wow… this is a life ramble! I hope it’s useful and makes you smile too…
I didn’t want to write about the bit’s when I’m on the floor, or wondering why everyone is questioning if I’m doing too much, making it up, or simply losing my mind….as trust me, I do this enough 🙂
I wanted to write, be authentic and tell you Encephalitis is a bugger. It’s changed my life.
That the nightmares I have with hallucinations are so ridiculous that sometimes I wonder what reality really is….
But it’s brought so much goodness too, brought out my humour, my ability to live in the moment, to laugh and appreciate the simple things. That the amount of porridge & spinach I eat is probably enough for a horse, not a human…. I’m not sure if that’s encephalitis or me … the trainer 😉 Okay so it’s me, but I have played around with my nutrition, sleep and fitness to find what helps my neurology along with a few other things.
I know I’m rambling, I will edit this (‘ive edited it a bit… but actually decided to leave it as is… as the slight jumble is true of my brain 😉 and I want to leave you with some thoughts for hope and happiness, daily….
With encephalitis you are on your own, often.
And in life you are. Which is actually okay and pretty damn good.
Yet you must have the courage to still show up….
So I urge, kick, support you to show up…
Each day, find something that adds value to your life, and do it
- Speak kindly to yourself, yet kick yourself to go for what you want
- Feed your body good food, your mind good thoughts and your muscles good movement, every day, be wise – this is so important
- Let go, let go of the limits in your mind, the comparisons in your head and the fears in your heart – they are just formations of complex brain patterns to keep you safe, but you are safe anyway.
- Learn something new, speak to new people, travel, shake things up every few months, get uncomfortable and then get comfortable with that new uncomfortable state
- Make your dreams your goals, and your goals your actions with focus, consistency and balance
- Communicate with courage and fearlessness, write or talk, spend time together
- Laugh, smile, love daily
I got suspected Weils disease in June 2013 from a triathlon… it’s been a crazy 2 years.
I don’t remember many fragments especially during 8 months of treatment and crazy brain action.
Yet I have also spent some amazing times with new friends, travelled to Sierra Leone, explored, run (well that’s a vague term as it took me double the time I used to run but hey I did it!!) a marathon, trained some brilliant clients to achieve great things, coached CEO’s, presented, written and fitness model for Women’s Fitness Mag Book and so much more.
I’ve laughed and cried (and shaken 😉 in equal measures more than I have done in a long time.
How do you end a blog like this. Well the trauma doctor said…. You will look back on this time and realise how tough it was, it may disappear, it may not, but one things for sure, this will test you more than you can imagine.
Well. I believe we get tests we can handle, however tough.
And in the tests there is always a learning and always a celebration.
So, my friends, readers, clients and kick ass people who want to make a difference in life, who want to realise they can do things, even if they don’t know if they can…realise that you are wonderful, that you rock… you know that right?
And then….. Show up Every Day. In some way, and make your day count.
Join me… make your life happen today….
Find out more about Encephalitis here: http://www.encephalitis.info/
Support us to hit our £40k fundraising target, supporting Encephalitis and 4 other amazing charities: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/energised40k
To support Aliki with her London Marathon click here: https://www.justgiving.com/AlikiChrysochou/
If you enjoyed this blog, you may like this one too… again it’s quite long so you may need another cup of tea 🙂 https://blog-kimingleby-co-uk.stackstaging.com/kim-ingleby/sierra-leone-journey-street-children-marathon-encephalitis
My next Blog will be about Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and my multicoloured sock run for BEAT #beautifulinsideout #confidence