“It is bravery,
believing you are worth it,
knowing that it’s true.”
Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (Chasers of the Light)
In light of ‘Boost Your Self Esteem Month’ , here are some thoughts for learning to like yourself.
Some of my friends and family have this quiet confidence, contentment and clear sense of self. They are pretty cool, inspiring people.
I think it’s kind of key in life, to learn to become your own friend, because, if we don’t like ourselves, how are we ever going to achieve anything? Well, you actually do achieve a lot, but it’s never ‘good enough and rarely do you actually enjoy the ride of life? I hope my little writing here will inspire whoever is reading this, whatever your age, gender, business, sport or location…
So how do you actually like yourself? You don’t really get a manual on this one….
So here’s my go at how (and why) it would be good to start to like yourself in a simple little flow that I hope helps you. Even if you are just work on point 1, I think it’s a good start…
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Embrace your Differences
As I sit writing this I think of the diversity of my beautiful friends and family, clients and athletes. Each one of us is different, unique. Yet I think we fear judgement by being different, and aim to blend into what feels safe and normal.
Take a moment, write down what you fear being judged about. Next, write down what you would like to actually embrace instead, and if you started to embrace this thought pattern and behaviour, how it would actually make you start to feel, act and be.
Each day, don’t be afraid to be different. I don’t know what is normal, as each person I meet is unique, different, beautiful, inspiring and thought provoking in their own way. Sometime I think we just forget that are difference is what makes us each wonderful and it is a good thing in life, I believe.
2. Be the Real, Authentic You
Who the hell is the real you though? I think it’s a journey that’s constantly evolving and changing through life experience, age, beliefs, experiences and so much more. Yet, one thing I find really useful is to write down 10 words you would use to describe yourself….try it now. If you find it super hard to write down, or the list is pretty limiting, perhaps this is a good starting point.
What would you like to feel and be like? What would you wear, dress, eat, do, be…. I know it’s a big question and sometimes it feels like you are really stuck. Yet this is usually the best time to change things, being stuck is a safety net, just not a comfortable one. Sometimes to find out who we really are, and to create habits and feelings we really want, we have to uncomfortable and change.
However, it’s kind of easier to wear the ‘wrong’ clothes, do the wrong things, feel the limiting thoughts, because in a weird way, this keeps us safe, incase things ‘go wrong’. How about starting to find out out, express, dress, live and feel how you think you might like, try it on, see if it fits, pause for a moment, reflect, adapt and enjoy being You.
Make sure you make it fun though….
3. What If….
So, what if you read this blog and did nothing? What if you read this blog and thought I was an idiot? What if you read this blog and thought, it’s amazing, I get it, I’m going to embrace this?
The point is…. What if? There will always be a what if, whatever option you choose….
Consider the possibilities: what if you like yourself?
But what if you don’t?
What happens when you start to discover who you are, your passions, your desires for happiness, and then align these with your interactions?
And what if instead you choose to remain unchanged and rooted in your current state? Ultimately, these ‘what ifs’ may not wield much influence or alter circumstances significantly. Often, they merely reside within our minds, impacting primarily those in our immediate circles.
4. Self Love
Ahh…!! Run away, going too ethereal and not in the real world, I know. But stop, stop and moment and stay with me. If you give so much that you have nothing left for yourself, what have you got left to give?
If you don’t love the person you are (or choose the rollercoaster of exploration to learn to love that person), how can you progress….? I know, I know you will. Self-Sabotage is a powerful tool, it drives people to move forwards, to achieve, to succeed.
Yet I’ve worked with so many amazingly successful media personalities, athletes, teenagers, business CEO’s who I cannot comprehend why they would want to work with me (well ‘need’ to work with me). Yet the overriding thread and common message is I’m not good enough, if I sabotage this area of my life, it will keep me safe. Self love is selfish. What is your response to reading that?
For many years I would agree, arrogant, self centered, only for those who have time to ‘self love’, yet through the years I have realised it is a strong internal sense of respect, care and nurturing, that is quiet, positive and gives a huge amount more to those around you, without losing yourself (just my interpretation, everyone is different)
5. Learn Excellence
Like yourself by choosing to commit to something that you would love to ‘do’ really well… this could be anything from parents, friendships, learning, business, adventures….. anything at all, but something that excites you positively, that gives you good motivation and energy, that makes you feel alive.
Don’t be afraid of becoming excellent at something, adding value to the person you are.
Rarely do I work with someone who is truly afraid of failing, for they have developed more than enough strategies to enhance the failing, not good enough option. More often, I work with people who are afraid of success, afraid of really being seen, afraid of what people will think if they dare to do differently, and be the best that they can be.
Do you know what true success would look and feel like to you? Do you know what limits your courage to commit to this?
To be excellent, I believe you have to do less, more consistently, being clear on your Why? Why do you want to do this, how will it add value to your life and those around you? Do you have enough time to achieve it in the timeframe you have set? All these things are often limited, therefore true success is limited?
Yet my definition of success in this moment of writing is about liking yourself, liking the person that stands in front of you as you look in the mirror… if you learn this, I believe the rest is a much more enjoyable ride.
To learn this it may take you’re a few years, yet remember, be patience, trust, learn, commit and believe…. Be consistent.
6. Self Worth
It kind of links with self love, yet differs, you can learn to like yourself, to become confident in yourself, yet still not value yourself. Reasonate?
You have to believe that you are not useless. That someone else is not better than you. You have to believe you add value to you. You have to let go of victim…. Hard chat I know.
If you had the courage, to realise your worth, you would realise just how much is possible…. For your little goals and big dreams, whatever they may be. Everyone is on their own journey, make sure the path you are on, is a positive, learning, nurturing one. For you.
7. Let go. Live, Laugh, Love.
I smile as I write this. Let go….
The easiest thing to say.
Have you ever skydived? I have, once for my beautiful friends Jo’s husband Mat, who had testicular cancer. Good motivation. Amazing couple who practise all I write.
Let go…. So the instructor says…. I can’t push you out, or the insurance will be invalid, so if you say don’t jump… we won’t … ahhh! I hated flying then, and heights and jumping out of planes… but I loved my flat mates.
So eyes firmly closed, I inch to the edge of the plane. Ready…. Eyes firmly shut still. Yes I say.
And we jump…. I have no idea what I missed, as my eyes were closed tightly until two thirds of the way down..when I finally had the courage to open my eyes, I loved it, beautiful, free flowing.
Sometimes you have to have the courage to let go, to jump, to open your eyes and trust, even though you don’t know where you are going to land… or even how.
Every experience shapes us, every person who enters our day can influence how we feel if we choose.
The stronger our ability to like the person we are, the more courage we will have to let go…..
To let go, live, laugh and love. Inside & Out. Mind & Body.
I’m certainly not suggesting this is easy, to like yourself. Yet, I think it’s so much more wonderful and helpful than not 🙂
Through nearly 20 years of coaching people, I find it so sad when people don’t like the beautiful person I see standing infront of me. Each person I coach I see, hear and believe in…. from my 14yr olds to my 84 year olds.
And often I’m told. But you don’t get it.
You are so right, I don’t get it, for you. But I do know that I have been on a journey…
When you go to a place where you doubt yourself, where being alive is not the best option, yet stopping living is not an option either. That when you look in the mirror, the face and/or body is something you don’t like. That the thoughts you think are not helpful, feel like a tangled web of ‘stuckness’, (my metaphor is an octopus tied up, with a jelly fish on his head!!) and a way out seems impossible.
Since then I have trained, worked and coached with more amazing people all over the World to help me ‘heal’ & value the person I am, to be happy, fearless, bold and free (back the metaphor if you liked that…. I’ve taken the jelly fish off my head, and untangled the octopus so I can be me… 🙂
Which has led to this authentic, kick ass, fearless blog being written……
Then, almost 30 years later, when I contracted Weils into Encephalitis a couple of years ago, a lesson to learn on a greater level….
At first, once I popped back into the World & remembered who I was (phew!)… I didn’t really like myself in the moments of the attacks, I struggled to look at my face when I come out of an attack, especially as I get these horrible, sore lumps on my eye line, something to do with my liver (healing I believe). I feel like I have let myself down (by not knowing how to heal), and those close to me (as I can’t ‘fix’ it… Olivia Pope Style!). That I don’t practise what I teach, that I am not good enough ( Yes, I referred to point 1 – 7 myself, this is noted reader & I have worked through them again….
A client emailed me and said, encephalitis has deconstructed you and I cannot imagine how you have put things back together. Yes, he got it.
Reflections on growth and self-acceptance
I pause, smile, and let go…
In the midst of life’s challenges, there’s a space for reflection and release.
Lessons from adversity
Because it has… yet it’s taught me a whole load of amazing things, good things, it’s made me stronger, wiser, kinder, happier…
Adversity serves as a teacher, imparting invaluable lessons and fostering personal growth.
Embracing Joyful Moments
…and given me the happiest times with some wonderful, wonderful people…
Amidst trials, there are moments of pure joy and connection with cherished individuals.
Self-Discovery and Self-Love
…and I actually like myself more, I’m amazed at what my body still can do, and how my face can heal each time, be radiant, bright eyed and bushy tailed…
Through challenges, comes the discovery of self-worth and appreciation for resilience.
Navigating Life’s Challenges
Life is a journey, life is a challenge, and life is for living.
Life’s path is filled with obstacles to overcome and experiences to embrace.
Choosing One’s Response
You don’t get to choose the cards you get given…yet you totally get to choose what you do with the cards, how you choose to live, feel and be.
While circumstances may be beyond control, one retains agency in shaping their responses and outlook.
Embracing Emotions
Life is to learn to be happy in those moments, to be wild and carefree, to let your hair down…. and when you can’t be happy, be sad, be angry, be what you ‘need’ to be, just don’t let it be your every day….
Life encompasses a spectrum of emotions, each deserving acknowledgment and expression.
Initiating Change
I think it’s hard to imagine how you can start to deconstruct the habits that don’t work for you. And to trust and construct the habits, feelings and actions you want.
Transitioning from unhelpful habits to constructive behaviors requires introspection and determination.
Taking Incremental Steps
Sometimes you just have to stop, stop trying, be… and then start, with little steps, consistently, begin….with point 1 if you don’t know where to begin…
Progress is achieved through small, consistent efforts, even amidst uncertainty.
Seizing Opportunities for Growth
I don’t think there’s a safe or right time….. just when you feel ready, jump, commit, I dare you, take a risk…
Opportunities for growth arise when one embraces uncertainty and takes calculated risks.
Embracing Self-Transformation
…but for more than a week, you need several months to begin a wonderful journey ….
Genuine transformation requires sustained effort and dedication over time.
Belief in Personal Growth
And slowly, gradually, you will like, you. And this will reflect all around you.
As self-acceptance blossoms, so too does its positive influence on one’s surroundings.
Choosing Resilience
So now, when I have an attack, it’s not pretty, it’s not what I like. Yet I choose to nurture, strengthen, heal and grow fearlessly… and that is my choice.
Amidst challenges, the choice to cultivate resilience and growth remains within reach.
Becoming a Supportive Guide
My belief is each time I have one, the healing is deeper and I will become more sparkly, strong, bright and brave. And I believe I’m becoming a better, wiser coach able to help and support people to find bravery to achieve your goals, change your habits and like wonderful you.
Personal growth not only enriches one’s own journey but also enables them to support and inspire others on their paths to self-discovery and fulfillment.
e happiest times with some wonderful, wonderful people… and I actually like myself more, I’m amazed at what my body still can do, and how my face can heal each time, be radiant, bright eyed and bushy tailed (my father’s saying), that I know sometimes ‘fixing’ is actually patience & time, that you are always good enough & as long as you/I remember this…. anything is possible to change & nurture…
Life is a journey, life is a challenge, and life is for living.
You don’t get to choose the cards you get given (I think you can influence and work smart towards some cards but not all!), yet you totally get to choose what you do with the cards, how you choose to live, feel and be.
Life is to learn to be happy in those moments, to be wild and carefree, to let your hair down…. and when you can’t be happy, be sad, be angry, be what you ‘need’ to be, just don’t let it be your every day….
I think it’s hard to imagine how you can start to deconstruct the habits that don’t work for you. And to trust and construct the habits, feelings and actions you want.
Sometimes you just have to stop, stop trying, be… and then start, with little steps, consistently, begin….with point 1 if you don’t know where to begin…
I don’t think there’s a safe or right time….. just when you feel ready, jump, commit, I dare you, take a risk… but for more than a week, you need several months to begin a wonderful journey ….
And slowly, gradually, you will like, you. And this will reflect all around you.
So now, when I have attack, it’s not pretty, it’s not what I like.
Yet I choose to nurture, strengthen, heal and grow fearlessly….. and that is my choice. My belief is each time I have one, the healing is deeper and I will become more sparkly, strong, bright and brave.
And I believe I’m becoming a better, wiser coach able to help and support people to find bravery to achieve your goals, change your habits and like wonderful you.
As well as have a damn good time, to smile at your limits, embrace the challenges and enjoy the ride..when you are ready.
Start with whichever point reasonates and let me know how you go 🙂
Happy day to you wonderful person
For 1:1 or Group Coaching in 2024 just drop me an email to find out more.