I just wanted to write a few thoughts. My Team Energised Clients have been racing this weekend and made me truly proud, from beginners completing their first race, to others winning medals and progressing well, all have stretched their comfort zones and learned a huge amount.
Meanwhile… I learned a little myself this weekend, I am having my own ‘race’ with roland weily virus and some medication (ps. I no longer feel I want to give ‘roland’ a capital letter).
One of my values is to stay true to my word and commitment, and to complete whatever I say I will, on time and to my very best. . Neurologically weils virus has affected this value.
Now you could say people will understand, but the thing is I look well (aside from just after an attack which most people don’t see). So it’s a hard one, people do understand, but people need people to deliver, to deliver what they say they will. So it’s great and I appreciate the understanding, yet I also appreciate the ‘pain in the backside’ I am at times, and whilst people are incredibly patient, things need to happen.
I should be presenting for the Master Tabata Team & Life Fitness Global Teams this week at LIW, a huge privilege to be part of both Teams. However, I have been ‘housebound’ for the last 4 days, pretty disorientated between a huge number of these ‘attacks’, I know I would prefer to be at LIW, yet I can’t even co ordinate myself to the postbox and back, 500yrds from the house, so unlikely I would be of much use right now to represent them fully 😉
So my overriding thought is, stick with me Team. I fully believe the last 18 months has made me one strong, wise coach, as it has tested me beyond anything before. Not only the attacks, but the jumbled thought process, the questioning from some on perhaps it is all in my head, the comments, how can you do ‘x’ but not ‘y’ etc (I know what works and I can explain why, but it doesn’t really make sense).
I’m writing this purely for context because those challenging moments have made me, question me. What is my identity, am I good enough, am I a good Coach and Trainer, it’s made me feel vulnerable.
The Medic with us whilst walking the marathon in Sierra Leone said, you will look back in a couple of years on these years, and realise how tough they are. Yes, possibly but what I have learned is far, far greater. (And what Sierra Leone is dealing with right now is much, much tougher).
From it all, its made me stronger, happier, more content, wiser, overall. I’ve used every NLP, fitness, coaching, nutrition skill I have, I’ve read, learned and developed even more knowledge (knowledge seems to stay in my brain, social conversation more challenging, just the part that’s affected). I don’t mind people wondering if it’s all in my head, as my goodness I’ve questioned myself a million times, yet the moments are so aggressive I should be on the stage if I can make it up.
They are real, in whatever context real is. Those that can’t get it, I’ll be fully me again soon. I don’t need to talk about it, I know. Yet it’s a tiny part of my reality right now, and therefore if my rambles can help someone with a tiny big problem, feel courageous, then it’s worth the ramble.
Over the last 18 months, I’ve done the most amazing things, things I never thought possible with work and equally I’ve not done the things that were always possible in life, without thought before, a weird paradox of life. I miss a lot of my friends, and equally have a new depth of friendship with a few especially wonderful people in my life.
I have learned and taken all sort of medicines, complimentary therapy, used all my mental strength skills, neurology and strength training to actually be okay, but ‘managing’ is not what I want long term….
This weekend I was given the option of a high concoction of medicine (basically on research seems to be poison mixes) to draw old roland weily rat out… well it’s either worked or I’ve had over 10 full on ‘race attacks’ of my own since Friday night.
Now I’m not going to tell you this is lovely, because it sure is not. It’s pretty horrible. But as I’ve reacted so ‘well’ it must be doing something, and therefor I’m going to ride this out, because if it makes my ‘normal’ return, and I can just think… yes, I would like to do that, and go and do it, knowing I will stay true to my word, then this week of ‘death’ is worth it 🙂 Followed by several months of new growth…. like a new flower I think, or tree (for the more masculine reader).
What have I learned about dealing with what you don’t want so far is this…
* Celebrate something everyday, find it, let it sparkle for a moment. Even if it’s your darkest day, find something.
* Make someone know how much the tiny thing or thing they did made a huge difference, practise gratitude, send a card, write, little gift, anything to make them realise they rock
* Let go of the thoughts, things and people that are limiting your goodness, focus and surround yourself with those that raise you up
* Take time to be. And then you will probably need to take more time. You may think you have taken enough time, but bodies are wise, if you need more, don’t fight it, accept, relax and go with it. If you are not okay, it’s okay. And if you are okay, its okay.
* Rest, however amazing you feel right now, give you mind and body balance, ying and yang, we all need it for the moment and the long term
* Have a little (or lot) of patience… Do what you can do, let go of what you can’t, change your focus, change your thoughts. Take the opportunity to do different
* If what you are doing, for any goal, well being to performance, promotion to family is not working, step back , take some time and do it differently
* Hydrate well, eat good food, move and find a little sunshine each day
* Be very kind to yourself, learn to like the person you are today. You can go out and achieve those goals, get fitter, win a race, get a promotion, learn a new skill, anything… and if you like yourself in the moment, it will make that so much more enjoyable, and also, when times are tough a little more easy on yourself.
I could ramble on… but that’s enough, my brain is sleepy and needs to rest (this has taken a few stages to write;-).
People are asking, what race are you going to do, what’s your plan?
My plan…. is to become fully well, strong and healthy in my neurology, whilst quietly doing the work and clients in good balance.
From my learnings, especially after these last few days, is that the last 18 months I have had a virus that has been drawing my energy and neurology. I’ve adapted my lifestyle a huge amount yet clearly more adaptations are required. I realise that if this has ‘worked’ my system will be pretty low, so needs nuturing, re energising and strengthening. Lots of sleep, recovery, good, healthy alkaline foods and rest. Then, in time, I will be that stronger me, ready for the next plan. …and you will know this because….
My eyes will sparkle bright, my thoughts will be clear consistently, my body will be strong & my coaching to you, even more wise, kick ass and successful, for you.
If you want to join me on ‘our’ Festive Well Fit Course… that’s what I’m going to lead. A balanced mind and body fit course to Christmas.
Open, honest and real, getting results, whatever your level of fitness or mental space. Wherever you are in your head right now, whatever your body is doing or not, have courage. This moment will pass.
You will be okay and you will sparkle bright, even if you only have a few moments left in your life. Let those moments be filled with peace, hope and joy.
In 2015 I will externally find some goals with a new depth of wisdom… which I will integrate into some life enhancing programmes.
For now… thank you to all of Team Energised and my friends who have had the patience to stay with me, you truly are the best and you rock my world. To Tabata, Life Fitness and other professional people thank you for understanding, and patience. And to John, the man by my side, your girl will be back, and my gratitude to your patience and support, above everything else, is huge.
I read a blog from Richard Branson about writing stories and making what you do with your work real. I can honestly say, without what I have learned through years and years in my the work I love, I would not have coped at all during these last 18 months.
So if you want to win a race, climb a mountain, laugh all day long, get a promotion, fill a money pig up with golden pennies or anything else, I think I’ve got a few tools that may just help give you that compassionate kick and support that you need to make it happen. Just probably not on Necker Island… 😉 Although we did see an amazing place in Chirk in Wales that would be the perfect Energised Center. The moments of ‘me’ are rare right now, but I hold them closely and dream.
And if that doesn’t work and all else fails.. .. this quote does make me smile, and you know where to find me…..(but I can’t tell you how to get to Narnia 🙂
(ps. excuse the language in the photo, it’s not my norm… but it’s said with a humorous tone, to the challenges you/we may be experiencing, don’t let it take over everything )